Life

My life. Right now.. very interesting, very two faced. One day right one day wrong. Everything up in the air, not thought about, everything used without a thought. Confusing. Is this how it's meant to be? How is a black and white seeing person meant to survive without being judgemental? how do they stay open? I just want to know what to do. How to fix my life. How to be happy. Not much to ask? Apparently. Yeah I know life isn't kind. And I know that it's meant to make you stronger. But what about being free? What about not having to worry? Yeah I know that God is meant to fix that. But then how come it's so hard to get close to him? how come you are always drifting back and forth? And I know I don't have time for this, for crying and weeping over myself. There are people out there who are ripped in two and bleeding. Who are trying to cover it up.

How come I want to heal stuff and instead I am shredding things to pieces?

Nanowrimo year 2

Heeheee I just realised I haven't done an update on what happened to my writing! Well it didn't get very far, 9k but hey, I wasn't even planning on doing it this year, so I guess it's more than nothing.
This is my second year on the book "The Chased" which is now 43 pages and I've already started revising with a published author/friend. In other words I've worked myself it too a hole, so I've reverted back brainstorming and pinning ;D gotta get inspiration somehow.
One thing I have learnt is that this story is going to take it's time, no 51k in a month for me :/
I'm actually missing just plain writing and making up stories for fun, and not worrying about the details.  I know, that sounds bad, I'm meant to enjoy writing this,  I'm not meant to worry about what other people think. But it happens regardless... oh well I'll stop moaning, sorry all you non-writers for all the mumbo-jumbo
-Tiffany

sewing again

Yes already! You'd think I'd had enough after Oamaru's flurries. Well no, today from 10am to 5pm I was hard out sewing. (With some professional photography in-between ;) ) I was helping with the flower girl dresses for a friends wedding. Well there was actually five of us all set along the extended table working all five machines. It made quite a sight, blue, and lots of purple satin strewn across it, mingled with threads, ribbons, pins and at least three quick-unpicks. Our goal was to have seven dresses done before the end of the day. It was intense I tell you, Samara managed to finish two dresses, the rest of us completing only one, my excuse? Ahh strange shoulders and confusing fabric -mostly my fault :) Oh well, it was quite a lot of fun, and I got some of the material to make a dress for myself - so I guess I'm not nearly finished with sewing...*

Tiffany

*I wrote this yesterday but only just managed to get publish

Oamaru Heritage week

The train (er van) arrived back at my house last night
sooo I'm back!!!!!

And was it fun! True I did absolutely no writing, but I don't really mind anymore, I might get 10k done this year but that doesn't matter. Although I had two radical ideas that will greatly change my book - oh well, I'm not sure if I'll use them, we'll see.  One of them is changing the setting to some place down south instead of Waipara North Canterbury, but that will include heaps of research.

I got my jacket done in plenty of time, I was sooo glad I wasn't sewing last minute. Although strictly speaking its not finished according to the pattern, but I didn't want to put lace on the cuffs as it looked fine without, so that's all good.

here's a couple of pictures from the trip

this is the tiny little house that we stayed in,  it was sooo cute the front part there is the lounge/kitchen, the house had a double bed, a loft with a single bed, a bathroom, and tiny laundry in the hall way. It's meant for three people at the most. We had 9 people there one time, for getting ready and for meals (which we had on the deck) and 6 sleeping over night -and I tell you it was a squish!

the view of Oamaru from the deck

my jacket all finished

eating ice cream in Oamaru, all dressed up in one of Mum's bridesmaid dresses (adapted of course)

I got badly sunburnt that day

So that is a little snippet of what happened, now I'm off to have lunch 

Write... Sew.... Sleep...

As I said in the last post this is pretty much my life this November..

Well not so much the writing, I've decided to make my goal to plan something rather than to write myself into a hole. I'm doing the same story that I did last year, and although I haven't done much,its quite fascinating seeing how much my characters have changed.

 I'm focusing more on my sewing as I've only got till Thursday to finish my jacket, but it isn't too bad as I've only got to pop on the buttons, ten to be exact, which I'll probably end up doing tomorrow - hopefully I'll have some pictures to show you later

And well sleep, lets just say not much -after all a writer needs to tank up by reading ;)

I'm looking forward to having the next two weeks almost free (Ikr almost) so hopefully I'll be able to stick my head into writing, and try a few sprints because hey I'll  still want to try to get to 30k, oh well, we'll see.

-Tiffany

A flurry a whirlwind

ah,  I'm pretty much panting. My life is sooo busy right now, and well it's mostly my own fault. I'm doing Nanowrimo again, trying to push out 1,000+ words a day, to end up with hopefully more than 30,000 words by then end of this month. hmm add that to frantic sewing for Oamaru heritage week, a week of baby sitting, secretary-ness, hand-writing and counting every. single. word. Also lack of inspiration, procrastination, and life and you end up with 8,245 words on day 10 (when you're meant to be at 10,000+)  Just sad just plain sad... so any way thats my list of excuses for not blogging in aggessss   ;) and I did try and find a picture of my sewing for you but it seemed to have run away :\  life
Oh and by the way and completely out of context - The Shack is a REALLY good book :D

Getting it right

Hi,
I'm writing again ;)
Actually I've been away for two weeks... it was pretty fun. And I just want to share with you a real crazy out of place, God moment I had at confrence. We went to Manifest Presence confrence last year and it was really good last year, but this year I had a little bit of a reserve about going. I was panicing that it wouldn't be worth coming and that I might believe a lie that the teachers unwittingly told; something un-Jesus like. And on the first night I was trying to rid myself of all this prejudice and Daddy/God suddenly put into my head that he is truth (well duh) but not only that, we don't have to rely on people getting things right for us, we can go straight to God for an answer. Ok I know that sounds really dumb and a Home-schooled Christian should know that stuff off by heart. But my questions weren't small and some how I'd got it into my head that some questions are too big for God and that I had to ask other people to see whether this was even remotely wise. (not that I'm promoting ignoring people, but I've learnt that you can overdose on human reasoning)
Anyway there was this peace that I didn't have to get it right, that I could believe a lie and that it honestly wouldn't hurt God, I mean he may have a learning curve in store for me, but he's got this even if I tear my world apart he won't panic!!
What a relief

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world.” John 16v33

CEF camp

Hey everyone I just got back from CEF camp (child evangelism fellowship) it was so much fun despite the fact that I had a terrible cold all week. It was exhausting but I already missing my girls and all those lovely leaders You guys were awesome5! Anyway where do I begin? Well on Sunday afternoon a friend and I went down to the camp where a whole bunch of teens were gathered in slightly awkward circles waiting for everyone to arrive. When they all did we went inside and played some icebreaker games aka going round the circle saying your name etc. Then we played horses knights and cavaliers in which you had to pair up with a Guy (luckily I was paired up with someone who I consider to be an older brother) so with that person you had to do a series of three actions a horse, someone on there hands and knees and the other person sitting on them. A Knight, where one person was down on one knee and the other person sat on the other knee, and then there was the cavaliers where one person jumps into the other persons arms. And you had to do all three as fast you could with the director calling out the order -it was a great segregation breaker :) After that we had a devotional / challenge from the director, went through all the training stuff and eventually the director announced which leaders (teens) we were with, then we went to put our bags in the cabins, had tea and more training, with a little time to hang out before bed. The next morning we had breakfast and started decorating the cabins only to near that the bus full of children had arrived. Now there is nothing like the excitement of thirtyish leaders when the bus arrives. We all run outside wild with excitement and begin to unload their gear. Followed by morning tea and a safety regulations talk, the boy and girl campers get split and we find out who our "girls" are. I was in a cabin with seven girls and three other leaders. As the week progressed we got to know our sweet little girls, learnt the difference between just being nice and actually loving. You learnt how valueble encouragement is, what exhaustion feels like and you learnt that God has got this, and how important showers are for relaxing by yourself. How annoying head colds are, how fun air rifles are. You wonder how Jesus loved, how other leaders could be so constantly giving all the compassion they've got, how you could give more but in your own way, how food at home tastes worse than food at camp, how to be so tired that you have to think to spell your own name, what herding seven children outside at six o'clock in the morning feels like, because the fire alarm went off, what enthusiasm is after waking at sixish in the morning and getting.g to sleep at nine thirty if you're lucky, what giving every ounce of kindness within you 24/7, doing everything from acting to decorating your cabin in a cowboy theme, to getting complemented for that skull and cross bones that was painted on your cheek for pirate day, to getting home and sleeping from eight pm to eight am and still feeling tired, but most of all terribly missing every single moment of CEF camp Tiffany

Some fun

 So this is what I got up to today ;)
(second title: what you can do without a computer)

So I raided the dress up box and tried some steampunk... da da da ddahhh!! (drum roll)

                                            Then posed in front of the camera serval times...

                                                                heehee it was lots of fun!

                                                                         -Tiffany

Bits and bobs

I'm just writing down some interesting ponderings about stuff I learnt to day.

In search of truth.

Wouldn't it be nice if we knew somethings were absolutely true. I don't mean things like did God create the universe. But things like is being doggedly positive about everything Christian/Buddhism, Christian or Buddhism ;) get your head around that one. Ok I'll ease it up... Do you think "pain free births" are for Christians or is it an influence from an Eastern Religion? hmmm... I don't actually know... sounds Buddhist to me (as in everything is an illusion type stuff) but at the end of the day it isn't important (well definitely not for me ;D ) *

But it would be really nice if Jesus just said" Missy you're doing real well there.... and well this needs fixing." A kind of Rev 2 & 3 re-enactment. Well that might actually be kinda painful in the end... but a least you'd have some sense of direction!
(just paused to read an article about Buddhism and pain free births, wasn't that helpful in a philosophical sense but I gleaned one thing; *don't freak out* about labour pains and I have to admit that that's gotta help)

Anyway all that blah di blah was just a baby question of mine (pun not intended) and I guess everyone has questions about everything. Soo helpful. So last month I decided to go to a counsellor (someone fall over and die/scream or gasp) just to see what it was like -as it was free. It was like having a conversation, we didn't discuss anything big and it was a lady btw. We talked about fairly controversial topics like music and conflicting word views that you agree with (WHAT! somebody explain! ;) when someone on one side of the fence says blah di blah about singing and the other person on the other side of the the fence says blah di blah opposing their neighbours view... but when you analyse them they both make sense. Small problem) anyway we talked about stuff and one thing that I really got out of it was... don't worry if you don't get it right! well duh common knowledge... but for some reason I couldn't quite get into my head that you didn't have to know everything about God right away... I mean all he asks for is you to believe and receive that he loved you enough to die for you**... really? Is it that simple?! well apparently... But then life crashes in on you (btw I tend to be slightly pessimistic naturally) and you watch riveting videos about the promises in Revelation that are panning out in modern day Israel that urge you to study God's word (out of fear, I mean honestly who doesn't want to avoid bad stuff) but the problem is your bible isn't at all interesting and you want it to be interesting plus you've been raised on the book so you kinda know a bit. Ok a *bit*.
Anyway you go down the same old track of getting other peoples opinions and some say get to know God first then read his book and others say take a concrete pill/ build a bridge and get over it. Then you get really confused and round it goes again. Brilliant!
But life goes on... and you keep on struggling through it with highs and lows. So hopefully God will reveal himself more and somethings will fall into place before we're on our deathbed. ;D So I guess this is my little corner of rebellion. I hope it made sense. Probably didn't help one bit. But anyway it's a slice of a real teenagers life
-Tiffany

(and I manage to cover my favourite topics; midwifery and deep thoughts in one post and it's 11:10pm)





*Another unimportant, wanna be a midwife find;  apparently Vaginal Birth after C-section (VBAC) is safer than continued c-sections statistics for maternal death of VBAC mothers 3.8 out of 100.000 v.s the American populace of 13.4 out 100.000 (for non VBAC) also apparently Amish women have a lower c-section rate etc. read more here
**btw I only just realised that was all God asks for

A book!

In June I was reading a post on Writer's Alley, at the end of the post they asked the reader's what their favourite books were. So I looked at all the comments to see what books the other readers liked ( to get a good idea what to read ;D ) and typed in one of my favs, Mara daughter of the Nile.

A week later I was scanning through Writers Alley again and I saw my name it fairly big print. I stopped, and scrolled up a little and there was: Tiffany Jane won the favourite book competition. The prize being one of the Writer's favourite books. I was in complete shock. I didn't even know it was a competition!!! (If you go and have a look at the comments here you will see my remark of complete and utter shock)

 A few days and got a reply from one of the writers, saying yes I won it. But I had a small problem, I'm no from the States. So after a few days of emails going back and forth, the writer said she could still mail it. And today the book came!! I'm so excited, I haven't even read the back cover. I hope it's really good book!  It's called Wish you were here by Beth K Vogt. And it sounds very adventurous/thriller and romantic, a mix that I love!!

Real

Ok so after months of not posting, well in reality having no idea what to post, and not sure if I should bother as no one seems to be reading my blog anymore I have decided to post real, to post what I'm really like, not to second guess what people want to here, to get feed back. Last time I  did that I wrote a post and got 5 comments from it I think was stupid so I'm gonna write realness on here whether anyone reads or not.

You deserve my all Lord (Jai)

V1:
You will never have me incomplete
Without a heart that speaks of You with every beat
Daily take me far from compromise
Open up my eyes, to see with Heaven’s sight
I’m praying

Chorus:
Open my eyes and I will walk Your way every single day
You deserve my all Lord (You deserve it)
Open my mouth and I will shout Your praise Louder every day
You deserve my all Lord (You deserve it)

V2:
Put a new song inside of me I pray
An anthem for today to show the world Your way
Singing of the greatness of Your love
The Blessing of Your Son, the power of His love
You saved me!

Bridge:
I wanna know Your heart! Show me who You are!
Speak and I will go! Lead and I’ll follow!

(source http://justjai.com/lyrics/)

Had to share this song with you guys, I just love it!

A Life

Last night I was at a friends and we watched "Not without my daughter"
and the story goes that an American woman, Her Iranian Husband and their daughter go on vacation in Tehran for "two weeks". Due to family pressure and his Islamic faith her husband forces her to stay in Tehran, where she is required to wear a burqua etc. Long story short she tries to escape and he becomes very violent with her, many opportunities arise in which she could leave *by herself* but she refuses to leave without her daughter. In the end she finally gets back, but the thing that really hits home is that the story was true, and is true for many Western wives living in the Middle East.

This post isn't saying that all Muslims are women beaters, I'm very sure there is lost of nice muslims out there who love their familes. But the thing is there are lots of people being abused out there right now, regardless of religion, "race" or gender. Some people never get out of it and believe that this is what life is like. And when you think about that hard or what an intense movie like that,
You can't help but think... So much doesn't matter

So much... your own comfort... your house. If someone out there is hurting... if someone out there is dying inside, how can we keep living? How can we look at the world in the same way? How can we complain about our own problems when there is millions out there who have absouletely no hope? When everyday... every breath is full of pain? How can we begin to think of staying at home and getting married and having children, when so many children are abandoned, abused, starved and killed. How can we read books on how to be feminine when so many women are having the life crushed out of them? How can we buy a new couch or up grade some part in our house, when others go hungry?
How can we hog a hope to ourselves because we are scared of what others may think. How can we walk past people who are in chains?

But then we get locked up in our own little world, the world in which our utmost pleasure comes first. We forget what another's reality is like, we all are guilty of walking by and yes that "we" includes me.
So then I guess the question is how we break out of that? By taking a running leap at Jesus and making the jump?

Spaetzle

Spaetzle is a German free form pasta that I made this morning. Really addictive, I keep going back to the pan for more ;)
So here's the recipe

1 cup of Milk (about)
2 eggs (or one)
1 1/2 tsp of salt
2 1/4 flour

Mix milk, egg, salt and any other flavouring ( herbs, spices etc.)
Stir in flour. Add more flour or milk 'til it becomes the consistency of
thick pancake batter (sloppy batter) Rest 10mins

Bring a pot of water to the boil. Turn it down a little til it gently boils.
Push the batter through a colander (with a spatula) and into the water.
When the pasta floats to the top scoop it out and into a buttered pan.
Cook them a little in the pan. Serve with meat, gravy, soup or whatever.


 Pintrest

Vote

Do you think it is very good if people write about their feelings on a blog -as in what difficulties they are having? etc

our world

In these past to days I've been thinking about, well the situation in the world. Some of you probably know this but we are so terribly behind the times with any sort of news.
So for starters I didn't know that  the british crown wanted to reduce the world population to 1 billion to bring back under British rule. And the Prince and Queen have made this statement several times. How would they do this through the banks (in a hazelnut-shell) causing mass starvation.
I have heard a lot about banks myself but I was surprised that the rumor of mass murder could be achievable.

So I was thinking -what on earth do we do about that? Do we stock up on food and live in fear? Well the food bit might help, but then this is all self preservation. In that case do we employ all our money and hire an airplane and go round the restaurants and collect the 'pig food' and fly it off to those who are already starving in africa? But this even though it would make a world of a difference for them, we in theory would be treating them like monkeys, they are human they deserve the same as us. But then you go back to the idea of communism -which obviously doesn't work with selfish mankind.
So what do you do?
love- pour yourself out daily thinking -even in your own state of starvation, thinking only of what this would mean for the other person. Giving out in the face of mass murder for no gain -for almost no reason except that these people are beloved -God's passionate about them. That they deserve -or not deserve to see an inch of love and through this show Daddy/God can do so much more.  And in thinking this I was overwhelmed with the strength and sheer determination and trust in God this would take. I also know that this mayn't play out in my life time, but in the likelihood  of something happening      I can only hope that I can out just a tiny bit of this ideal. I guess we can practice. As I type people are starting out work - the most demoralizing kind there is, prostitution. In which they expose themselves to goodness knows who, for some money that requires being dominated by the unpredictable stronger sex.     And this is happening (at the most) an hour away from where I live.  


pictures meant to be coming

A Surprise!

Over the past few weeks we've had some vicious dog attacks. It started last year when our two bantums -and only layers were snapped in one night. A few weeks ago two other chickens were nabbed follow by four rabbits (all in an off the ground cage) next went our older rooster and two hens. Two days ago 4 young chickens were ripped out of a pretty secure cage -the dog(s) ripped out the chicken wire that their mother was also taken. And this morning we only find one hen and a rooster...

But also this morning our neighbour came over (they own the dogs)
and gave us two boxes of beef... steak, sausages, roasts and mince.
It was sooo exciting putting it in the freezer and realizing that the pork Mum had just ordered wouldn't fit. And all though it doesn't                          Source
quite replace the attachment one had to the chickens, it's pretty equal. I can only think that God can make good out of a bad situation!                                                                                                                                

Me Today

Today: April 10th, 2013

Outside my window: Chick/Chickens digging in the garden, tuna pink and aqua blue sky- Its dusk and getting cold

I am thinking: about what to write for JOJ -truly

I am thankful for: the wedding that's coming up, that my friend has been to a wonderful wedding in America

From the kitchen: ah.. not much, I made tea several days ago- forgot what though. 

I am wearing: my normal black pants, with a sea green top

I am creating:bunting for the wedding

I am going: ah.. count cars from 8am-5pm tomorrow

I am reading: The Moral Revoultion, very interesting. And the Bible :)

I am hoping: That Esther will get back safely. That Petra's jelly will work out -coca cola

I am hearing: The kettle boiling, and Mum tipping water on the garden

I am pondering: Trusting and obeying... all we have to do... so easy, so hard

My goals: To act in a passionate love to others, not out of duty. And to do all this when my heart is breaking...Daddy!

Jesus

“Jesus gave up his reputation 

so you wouldn’t be defined by yours.” 

~Jason Sterling

Source Christ is Write

Fixed!

umm you can actually ignore the last post. It's all fixed so I'll still be posting here :)
-Tiffany

God is everywhere

Last night I went to a combined youth group with all the New Life youth groups in our area. It was the strangest thing ever! There was a small group of us that went there with Cyrus and Naomi. At first it was really over-whelming like there were tons of young people some of them were giving each other piggy-back rides others, sucking lollipops it was pretty crazy. We just kinda stayed in the corner going yeah... ok.... um.... I was pretty uncomfortable a few people who knew C and N came up -the more sensible people. Our little group of "sane"home-schoolers just stood and stared.

After a little bit we all went into the hall room and took our seats which had a pen and paper on each one. Then one of the Youth pastors said we were gonna have some games... (I'd met the youth pastors before and they were just amazing, on fire for God Christians) We were told that out of the paper we had to make the fastest paper dart and put our name on it and throw it to the front... It was awesome! Darts were flying absolutely everywhere! Then they asked for three girl volunteers and three guys. They "partnered up" and then each "couple" had to decided who would eat. The eaters were sat down. A competetion was set and their "feeders" started to bring live after live hu-hu grub. The eaters swallow them down with effort. After that another set of three couples were chosen and the guys made to sit down while the girls pinned as many pegs as they could on to their partner's faces (end result was 15, 16, 15 pegs)

Then they had worship. How on earth do you do that when over half of the teens weren't Christian? It was madness. Some of the people were up the front praising God the others outside, texting or just galloping over the chairs. I was like... "God, how does this work?". But somehow it did somehow God was there and he was telling me that "I (God this is) can work anywhere. I'm not confined to their culture. I love each one of these people don't judge them- I have bought them in." I remembered this testimony that a guy had: In his dream there was a church and it was full of drunks, drug addicts and prostitutes - how were making out in the pews. The man then starting shouting at them telling them to get out. How dare they defile the house of God. Then God spoke to him and said "Don't send out what I have sent in." That hit him like a ton of bricks. And it hit me too, in that situation - Jesus always seemed to be in the company of prostitutes and tax collectors... he always went to the sick and healed them - as he said he came to heal those who needed healing teach those who were unlearned.

And I was just like....WOW! After that though I got distracted I tried to put my eyes on Him and not on the people who were ignoring Him. Honestly that night was Amazing! The message was about our relationship with God - that we shouldn't settle for less that we should see how much we can know Him in this short time on earth. Then they had even more worship everything seemed to be going up, up, up. And I know it wasn't emotional hype because I was very aware of not.. well I was just praising Jesus who had sent these teens here for some reason and he knew what He was doing even if half of them were already outside. And I honestly wasn't this amazing goody-goody who was only praising God - I got frustrated at Him for some of the things that have been happening to me that I just don't understand. At one time God just shook me (not literally but like a friend does when they're trying the get something across) and said "You're worth something to me! stop thinking you aren't!"I got prayed for by several people and one person was like I think God really wants you to know that you are really beautiful and I also think He wants to just hang out with you, rather than me praying for you to have a deeper revelation of Him. That night was really speacial and really strange - I want to go again even if I get slightly deaf in one ear again ;)
<3 Tiffany             

Frustrations

Just recently I've been thinking. Thinking about a lot of things
like why are we still here? If God has so much in supply what on earth are we doing here? Staying where it is nice and comfortable - when human trafficking has reached 27 million.
Why aren't we taking to heart what Jesus said? He told his disciples to go -with only the clothing on their backs. Why don't we give scandalously?

There are other things like -why do we go to church every Sunday, to get encouraged when we are given encouragement to encourage others - there never seems enough time between Monday and Saturday. Why aren't we doing anything? Why does everything have to be so P.C?
Jesus said to go free the lost- since when did material things come into that?

But I know that we aren't perfect. But every person could do so much. and yes we're all on different levels of selfishness. But God? Doesn't that mean something? If he supplies all- why is there such a thing as normal? Why on earth do we wait? Why don't we love passionately?
Why don't we teach children to give? 
- I guess Jesus just came to seek and save the lost, not to make the earth perfect. Why do people let themselves be bogged down- why does fear exist? Why don't people reach out and say that there is a meaning to life? Why aren't we listening to God? Why does God let us do this? I guess we will know when we get to heaven? Why on earth do we have to wait that 
long? Why do we try and scramble for God just to make us feel better?

I guess I just typed the Christian ideal, but this is what I was thinking about on Sunday. But there was several things I realized after hounding about our imperfections one of them was that we need to strengthen people regardless of what they do to us. 
That of course is really hard and I might get there one day - but it is what Jesus does.
But one thing is for sure I would far rather walk on water with my Jesus than grow old in a rocking chair wishing I had. And there will be times when I'll be a Bilbo Baggins and wish for my nice cosy home. But for the moment as this song says I don't want to go through the motions.  
  
The Motions
This might hurt, it's not safe
But I know that I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break
At least I'll be feeling something

‘Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking
What if I had given everything 
Instead of going through the motions?

No regrets, not this time
I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind 
Let Your love make me whole
I think I'm finally feeling something

‘Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of this life

‘Cause I don't wanna go through the motions 
I don't wanna go one more day
Without your all consuming passion inside of me

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking 
What if I had given everything 
Instead of going through the motions?

Take me all the way
(Take me all the way)
Take me all the way
(‘Cause I don't wanna go through the motions)
Take me all the way
(Lord, I'm finally feeling something real)
Take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking 
What if I had given everything 
Instead of going through the motions?

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking 
What if I had given everything 
Instead of going through the motions?
Take me all the way
(Take me all the way)
Take me all the way
(I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go)

Take me all the way
(Through the motions)
Take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions
-Matthew West

Style or shortness?

Ok that sounded bad....
but it is a little continuation on this modesty stuff I've been spouting ;)
-It's completely open to discussion.

Length of clothing  -great

Anyway there was this picture I found, it was talking about pants/skirts. It was a picture of a leg with several marks upon it.
bottom mark on the leg said (lower calf) matronly 
the next at mid calf, prudish
the one above old-fashioned
then proper at knee length
Flirty is at lower thigh
cheeky at mid thigh 
followed by provocative,
asking for it, slut  and at the very top: whore.

I found that very interesting, and slightly amusing. I for one tend to stick at proper for several reasons.  
One, it's not so bad on windy day -this is skirts :) 
But two is because actually (according to several modern fashion books) skirts that rest at mid thigh, in the curve just below your knee and in the curve between your knee and your thigh are actually the most  flattering.
And anyway I don't get all this nonsense about only 4 fingers above the knee (how does that work anyway? You have to bend over to measure which is silly, 'cause when you straighten it becomes several inches higher)  
But then all of this doesn't really matter to me -cause I'm in love with circular floor scrapers :)
And it doesn't to matter to you (if you are dressing yourself not your body)
it's just interesting...



   

A top up from my modesty sermon

lol

one thing I didn't state is don't let how you dress hurt people or break previous relationships.
As a friend said people are attracted to beautiful things (beauty is in the eye of the beholder- which really helps :/ )
But one thing is you mustn't freeze in time ( with your clothing) you must be open to trying new things
(which will mean you need to remember about modesty sometimes) and you also don't want to slap this culture in the face with some roman freak in a toga -or stola if you speak latin. We don't want our clothing as a brick wall between reaching out to people... so this requires a little in keeping with the fashions (not obessively)  Ah clothing is an art... To learn and put in the back of ones mind and momentarily forget about what you and everyone else is wearing (aka judging helps no one)


-Source mostly Lennie reminding me of what I forgot

Confused

At first it was small such a tiny step to make... who ever though it would have lead here...
to the place where you can't stop walking.

Was it ever meant to happen. No. Ah it seemed so innocent at first. But now it can't be gotten out of... no matter how hard you try.

They say it happened because you were looking for something, for love, perhaps? Well at least to feel wanted. But you can't ever consciously thinking, I need love. In fact you can't ever remember a beginning, it was just there... right from the start?

Anyway now its just there... and you can't get out of it... it comes whether you feel like it or not... it takes control.

You've tried to suspend it... and it works temporaily... but there's always that little thought that seems to be it's introduction.

They say you should just stop... but do they know how powerless you feel? but then are you really powerless? Is this just your thoughts swirling round... making you think that you feel powerless... Never matter those thoughts don't stop it coming again... and again... and again.

You feel terribly bad after... so ashamed that you couldn't stop yourself -not that you really wanted to when it came on. You said sorry to God more times than you have eyelashes to count... You have wondered if this thing was really all that bad... whether God got offended... whether He even cared... He didn't seem to be much help anyway... you always seemed to be treading the hamster wheel -again tis time with 10 more kilos on your back... well if there is any more weight you aren't to sure-after all you seem relitivly normal when its not there.

They say God sees you clean that He doesn't remember you that way.... they say He gets sad... and you don't want to make Him sad but then there are sometimes times when holding onto a bed post for hours is the only thing that helps... God said He came to set the captives free. But there you are -again. You know that everything happens in His perfect timing - But then if He was sad about it why doesn't He just fix it? Or do you have to do this all by yourself...? What does He call help?

They say there are green pastures (in God) in which you can lie in- but when you look for them and believe in them they never seem to come... they say you shouldn't trust your feelings... but how do you know that you are rested if that place of rest never seems to come... or is it one of those things that happen with out your knowing... but what's the point in that if you don't feel an ounce stronger?

Nothing is plain white, nothing is plain black... It's all grey... is it bad... other people would say so... but then aren't we mean to live by the Spirit and not by others convictions?.... are you lying to yourself...?

Is there hope for the addict?... or do you have to keep trudging this muddy path forever... the Bible says not...He says not... but when does this forever end... will reading help?.... does every body deal with this or is it only just you?... He said He'd only give you as much as you could handle.... and most times you do... but there are times when you don't .... will there ever be an end...

And how did God fall in love with you in this state?
How ever did He find in His heart to die?
This makes no sense I am so terribly, terribly confused...
and they say confusion is the mark of the enemy...
maybe I'm half possessed...............................?

Is there more colours than white - and black

Walking on water ain't that easy.
Specially if there's land on both sides.

Is there really more colours than black and white?

Music:

Many people believe that Christian modern music is harmful round here.
I don't.
I can't help but say that because of the amount of times that God has spoken
to me through such songs -even Christian heavy metal- yeah and for some of you that's ironic.
But with a lot of arguments backing both sides I have come to the realization that I may be wrong
-but you may be too.

As I am getting older I am realizing that a lot of things aren't just this - or that.
Not just black- or just white. There is a colour grey.
That only we humans see.-I could be wrong.

Things aren't that easy to work out. You can't just push somebody out of wearing a head scarf
-God may have told them to. Things that mayn't be sinful to you may be to some one else. (as it says in the New Testament)  How this comes to be -we don't know. But we don't need to...
Here is a challenge I lay before you- and me:
We are united in our belief of Jesus Christ- not in our beliefs.

If it weren't for the Holy Spirit we'd be in a muddle.
The important thing is to listen to the Holy Spirit before anyone else.
Oh this is hard to write my thoughts keep bouncing round -I'm guessing I'm not making much sense
but I'll post this anyway....

A little laugh

Before Mum, my ten year old sister- Petra and I were talking about legs and leg-length (I have one leg that is at least one cm longer than the other and causes a little trouble with my left knee). Anyway Petra was going round and checking her legs to see if her feet were the same size. Then she went around asking Mum and Dad if their feet were the same size and I said heaps of people have different sized feet, realizing that she had got legs and feet mixed up. I tried to explain to her that legs ran from ones hip to ones heel and a foot is the heel to the toes. So she said "oops I meant legs" then proceed to do half spilts and said I might have feet.

                                                           (Source: Christine Santos on pintrest)


Note: Petra (who is checking my grammar :D) wants to make sure that you know that she knows what a leg is and what a foot is.
I hope that made sense 

I am starting again

I am starting writing again. I haven't written for my story in nearly a month. My story is in a mess (more or less) and will need heavy re-writing. I don't know how to end it. And I may have to change my characters. -If you know anything about writing that is really hard. Honestly I don't really want to write another word but I want to continue discovering their story+ I'm pretty much at my "heroine's" lowest point I love her to much to leave her there in short. Prayer for inspiration p.l.e.a.s.e -also for how to weave God into this.
So after asking for so much I guess I must give you some idea of what you are praying for. Warning it (hopefully) will contain romance.

(don't have a title yet), a Summary:

Beatrice is from East-End London 1885. One night she is attacked, in a battle of self defense an important person is accidently killed, Beatrice flees to New Zealand, she is pursued by the dead man's hired killer, Martin.

Her life gets no better when tragedy after tragedy hits Beatrice begins to break down, suicide becoming her only hope. But it all seems as if something stronger is pulling, pulling her to Jesus.
But behind all of this her killer is still seeking, ready to work his revenge. 

Excerpt from (don't have a title yet):

Last updated on 11/27/2012

He began to undo her top buttons, clearing her neck. She knew then that he would kill her... Her fears were confirmed when he wrapped his fingers around her wind pipe, at first gently pushing as though to test her vulnerability, then he dug in his fingers, and she had the odd sensation that he'd done this before... And was certainly not afraid to do it again.

(haha that's pretty much the best scene -thought that is going to change)

Anyway thanks very much

-Tiffany

Was it about modesty after all?

Ha! I know that is some title! And I know a lot of you have very different opinions on it.
But I have been wondering was the cut of our clothing "the point"?

Low tops, collar-bone scrapers, mini shorts and long skirts. These things are all very different... here I want to refresh you on some of them:

                                                        (Source: Christina Pernes on pintrest)







                                                     (Source: Paula Bidle-Stear on Pintrest)
         


                                                    (Source Paula Bidle-Stear on Pintrest)




                                                    (Source: Paula Bidle-Stear on Pintrest)


Long skirt? you think High neck? Both of them look see through! 
Well yeah I tried to get ones that were "Fashionable" and not too "ugly" 
I mean honestly I could have pasted on a heap like this:


                                                           (Sharon Yarnell on Pintrest)
But it doesn't really matter. Fashion isn't the point. "Worldly-ness" or "Unworldly-ness isn't either. Well it has nothing to do with what I am talking about. 

I at the moment strongly believe that one should only wear clothes that suit one's body, here's a non-example:
                                          (Source: AainaA-Ridtz A R on pintrest)



But then I noticed what is flattering tends* to reek with sex appeal in books like Trinny and Susannah's "What not to wear" and after alot of looking and talking to Mum it really after all isn't about modesty- it isn't about protecting men, as the above picture is no security guard against lust (normally underneath their as modern as us). Men are men (remember they are human and emotional too; not wolves ready to eat a woman what ever books say) But if you take the men issue away and see why (I think) modesty was invented, to stop objectisim. (I think I just made up a word :D ) 

Take another look at all the pictures. All of them. They have three things in common: they are clothes, they are considered "feminine" and they all make women look like objects. And that is the problem. Women should never dress to be something to look at. You are a person. 

And I think a good way to avoid this is by dressing in a style that you like. That seems to reek what you love, that is a extension of you- not your body. Dress to show you are a woman, but make sure its lose enough to show you are a lady. Dress so you have a sense of self respect - don't give a toss for what anyone else thinks.    

Then you will be able to add the men part back in. And you will be absolutely fine. Sure you can't stop the occasional stares, but by now that is something well out of your hands - you dress in a style that is you and nothing else.

P.S what's this about thinking that you have to meet your Fathers approval? I believe that your Daddy in Heaven is inthralled with you when you dress like you. So be fearless. Be you. And don't ever worry about clothing again. 

                                                (Source Maelily Edmond (me) on Pintrest)





*not always but dresses shouldn't fit your shape like a too tight glove 

-Miss Tiffany
hmm maybe I should do something on makeup next and way this blog is here to air my thoughts :)