A strange life

Christianity

How are we meant to live with a name so mangled? This religion that has a history so marked?

We are so human…

Atheism vs Christianity google an article on either and you’ll see ragged back lashing from either side. Except the Christians claim to love them, Christians say it, but don’t seem to show it.

Where is Jesus?

I am a 17 year old girl living in rural New Zealand.  A backwater compared to the rest of the world I’m sure. I spend most of my time studying and working, realizing that this what is expected of a middle class woman and that I’ll probably be doing one or the other for the rest of my life.

How does this all relate? I’m not sure; maybe it’s a young person who’s trying to point out what is wrong in the world, what’s wrong with her religion, and what’s mixed up in the fact that in the academic world my opinion is nothing. That my life must somehow be the same because I don’t have enough money for a P.H.D. the only thing that lets you have an opinion.

That because I am a ‘good Christian girl” nobody is ever going to want my advice, my help, or my words.  That because I've never been raped, tortured, attempted suicide or been beaten I can’t legitimately help in things I believe need it the most. That no prostitute is ever going to listen to me because I know nothing. And maybe things are meant to be that way. Maybe I’ll live my life, get a job, get a house, get married have kids and die in a rest home.   

Or maybe there is a God out there who is bigger than my circumstances, who say it doesn't have to be that way. That it could be a lot more adventurous, a lot more giving and a whole lot harder.

Or maybe I’m meant to wait in a pew until I get my calling thrust upon me.

I’m pretty sure the guy who said give yourself as living sacrifice didn't have passive waiting in mind. Not that waiting is a bad thing. But for me it’s never really worked.

I guess what I am saying to myself and every Christian out there is we have to do something real. Regardless of the fact that someday the world will end. Regardless of the fact that goodness and heaven are somehow linked.  We have to find it in ourselves to reach out for the good of ourselves and the good of the world.

Rant over

A Life

Last night I was at a friends and we watched "Not without my daughter"
and the story goes that an American woman, Her Iranian Husband and their daughter go on vacation in Tehran for "two weeks". Due to family pressure and his Islamic faith her husband forces her to stay in Tehran, where she is required to wear a burqua etc. Long story short she tries to escape and he becomes very violent with her, many opportunities arise in which she could leave *by herself* but she refuses to leave without her daughter. In the end she finally gets back, but the thing that really hits home is that the story was true, and is true for many Western wives living in the Middle East.

This post isn't saying that all Muslims are women beaters, I'm very sure there is lost of nice muslims out there who love their familes. But the thing is there are lots of people being abused out there right now, regardless of religion, "race" or gender. Some people never get out of it and believe that this is what life is like. And when you think about that hard or what an intense movie like that,
You can't help but think... So much doesn't matter

So much... your own comfort... your house. If someone out there is hurting... if someone out there is dying inside, how can we keep living? How can we look at the world in the same way? How can we complain about our own problems when there is millions out there who have absouletely no hope? When everyday... every breath is full of pain? How can we begin to think of staying at home and getting married and having children, when so many children are abandoned, abused, starved and killed. How can we read books on how to be feminine when so many women are having the life crushed out of them? How can we buy a new couch or up grade some part in our house, when others go hungry?
How can we hog a hope to ourselves because we are scared of what others may think. How can we walk past people who are in chains?

But then we get locked up in our own little world, the world in which our utmost pleasure comes first. We forget what another's reality is like, we all are guilty of walking by and yes that "we" includes me.
So then I guess the question is how we break out of that? By taking a running leap at Jesus and making the jump?

life isn't always

Last night as the st official day of Jan I did some writing (surprise surprise)
well thats only cause I had to, as I've entered another one of those writing things.

So anyway after writing a really depressing scene I went on the Jannowrimo site to look and see if any  of the members on there might want to friend me (now that sounds really bad but having other writers as friends makes a world of a difference.

So I found this girl called Autumn then I looked on her writing blog just to get more of an idea of who she was. Then I got a shock. She's been dead for five years. Suicide. But to my horror my eyes kept reading. Here is just one of the pieces 

One of the things that really hurt me is that none of the posts have comments, like it was her pouring out her heart screaming for help. And oh how I wanted to help, but I came 5 years too late. I couldn't stop thinking about it,  I couldn't get to sleep knowing that there are other people out there like that. People who think that suicide is relief. People who don't believe in happiness. And that is so so so sad so terrible. And I am only just realizing how blessed I am -I haven't lost someone that I really love two great grandmothers don't really count as I barely knew them.


And as you can see in the poem she was very talented, but she never got to use her gift beyond her 16 years, she never knew the peace and hope that Daddy/God brings. That fact that she wasn't saved tears me to pieces and it is my dearest hope that she met God somehow and that she is finally in true real love but I know that cannot be.

What this taught me is that the beautiful looking world outside the window is really shaded really really shaded, deep with shadows and only tiny glimmers of light. We who know there is love, desperately need to show the people, the hearts the lives that are dying that are being destoried. It is not ok that a child should have to stay every night in a house where the keepers despise her.


Lord though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death. I'm not scared 'cause you're holding my breath, I only fear that I don't have enough time left to tell the world that there no time left...
-forgive me
Group 1 crew

To all the Ivvy's out there may you find the God of love the one and only, who cares greatly about you.
-Tiffany