Frustrations

Just recently I've been thinking. Thinking about a lot of things
like why are we still here? If God has so much in supply what on earth are we doing here? Staying where it is nice and comfortable - when human trafficking has reached 27 million.
Why aren't we taking to heart what Jesus said? He told his disciples to go -with only the clothing on their backs. Why don't we give scandalously?

There are other things like -why do we go to church every Sunday, to get encouraged when we are given encouragement to encourage others - there never seems enough time between Monday and Saturday. Why aren't we doing anything? Why does everything have to be so P.C?
Jesus said to go free the lost- since when did material things come into that?

But I know that we aren't perfect. But every person could do so much. and yes we're all on different levels of selfishness. But God? Doesn't that mean something? If he supplies all- why is there such a thing as normal? Why on earth do we wait? Why don't we love passionately?
Why don't we teach children to give? 
- I guess Jesus just came to seek and save the lost, not to make the earth perfect. Why do people let themselves be bogged down- why does fear exist? Why don't people reach out and say that there is a meaning to life? Why aren't we listening to God? Why does God let us do this? I guess we will know when we get to heaven? Why on earth do we have to wait that 
long? Why do we try and scramble for God just to make us feel better?

I guess I just typed the Christian ideal, but this is what I was thinking about on Sunday. But there was several things I realized after hounding about our imperfections one of them was that we need to strengthen people regardless of what they do to us. 
That of course is really hard and I might get there one day - but it is what Jesus does.
But one thing is for sure I would far rather walk on water with my Jesus than grow old in a rocking chair wishing I had. And there will be times when I'll be a Bilbo Baggins and wish for my nice cosy home. But for the moment as this song says I don't want to go through the motions.  
  
The Motions
This might hurt, it's not safe
But I know that I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break
At least I'll be feeling something

‘Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking
What if I had given everything 
Instead of going through the motions?

No regrets, not this time
I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind 
Let Your love make me whole
I think I'm finally feeling something

‘Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of this life

‘Cause I don't wanna go through the motions 
I don't wanna go one more day
Without your all consuming passion inside of me

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking 
What if I had given everything 
Instead of going through the motions?

Take me all the way
(Take me all the way)
Take me all the way
(‘Cause I don't wanna go through the motions)
Take me all the way
(Lord, I'm finally feeling something real)
Take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking 
What if I had given everything 
Instead of going through the motions?

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking 
What if I had given everything 
Instead of going through the motions?
Take me all the way
(Take me all the way)
Take me all the way
(I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go)

Take me all the way
(Through the motions)
Take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions
-Matthew West

Style or shortness?

Ok that sounded bad....
but it is a little continuation on this modesty stuff I've been spouting ;)
-It's completely open to discussion.

Length of clothing  -great

Anyway there was this picture I found, it was talking about pants/skirts. It was a picture of a leg with several marks upon it.
bottom mark on the leg said (lower calf) matronly 
the next at mid calf, prudish
the one above old-fashioned
then proper at knee length
Flirty is at lower thigh
cheeky at mid thigh 
followed by provocative,
asking for it, slut  and at the very top: whore.

I found that very interesting, and slightly amusing. I for one tend to stick at proper for several reasons.  
One, it's not so bad on windy day -this is skirts :) 
But two is because actually (according to several modern fashion books) skirts that rest at mid thigh, in the curve just below your knee and in the curve between your knee and your thigh are actually the most  flattering.
And anyway I don't get all this nonsense about only 4 fingers above the knee (how does that work anyway? You have to bend over to measure which is silly, 'cause when you straighten it becomes several inches higher)  
But then all of this doesn't really matter to me -cause I'm in love with circular floor scrapers :)
And it doesn't to matter to you (if you are dressing yourself not your body)
it's just interesting...



   

A top up from my modesty sermon

lol

one thing I didn't state is don't let how you dress hurt people or break previous relationships.
As a friend said people are attracted to beautiful things (beauty is in the eye of the beholder- which really helps :/ )
But one thing is you mustn't freeze in time ( with your clothing) you must be open to trying new things
(which will mean you need to remember about modesty sometimes) and you also don't want to slap this culture in the face with some roman freak in a toga -or stola if you speak latin. We don't want our clothing as a brick wall between reaching out to people... so this requires a little in keeping with the fashions (not obessively)  Ah clothing is an art... To learn and put in the back of ones mind and momentarily forget about what you and everyone else is wearing (aka judging helps no one)


-Source mostly Lennie reminding me of what I forgot

Confused

At first it was small such a tiny step to make... who ever though it would have lead here...
to the place where you can't stop walking.

Was it ever meant to happen. No. Ah it seemed so innocent at first. But now it can't be gotten out of... no matter how hard you try.

They say it happened because you were looking for something, for love, perhaps? Well at least to feel wanted. But you can't ever consciously thinking, I need love. In fact you can't ever remember a beginning, it was just there... right from the start?

Anyway now its just there... and you can't get out of it... it comes whether you feel like it or not... it takes control.

You've tried to suspend it... and it works temporaily... but there's always that little thought that seems to be it's introduction.

They say you should just stop... but do they know how powerless you feel? but then are you really powerless? Is this just your thoughts swirling round... making you think that you feel powerless... Never matter those thoughts don't stop it coming again... and again... and again.

You feel terribly bad after... so ashamed that you couldn't stop yourself -not that you really wanted to when it came on. You said sorry to God more times than you have eyelashes to count... You have wondered if this thing was really all that bad... whether God got offended... whether He even cared... He didn't seem to be much help anyway... you always seemed to be treading the hamster wheel -again tis time with 10 more kilos on your back... well if there is any more weight you aren't to sure-after all you seem relitivly normal when its not there.

They say God sees you clean that He doesn't remember you that way.... they say He gets sad... and you don't want to make Him sad but then there are sometimes times when holding onto a bed post for hours is the only thing that helps... God said He came to set the captives free. But there you are -again. You know that everything happens in His perfect timing - But then if He was sad about it why doesn't He just fix it? Or do you have to do this all by yourself...? What does He call help?

They say there are green pastures (in God) in which you can lie in- but when you look for them and believe in them they never seem to come... they say you shouldn't trust your feelings... but how do you know that you are rested if that place of rest never seems to come... or is it one of those things that happen with out your knowing... but what's the point in that if you don't feel an ounce stronger?

Nothing is plain white, nothing is plain black... It's all grey... is it bad... other people would say so... but then aren't we mean to live by the Spirit and not by others convictions?.... are you lying to yourself...?

Is there hope for the addict?... or do you have to keep trudging this muddy path forever... the Bible says not...He says not... but when does this forever end... will reading help?.... does every body deal with this or is it only just you?... He said He'd only give you as much as you could handle.... and most times you do... but there are times when you don't .... will there ever be an end...

And how did God fall in love with you in this state?
How ever did He find in His heart to die?
This makes no sense I am so terribly, terribly confused...
and they say confusion is the mark of the enemy...
maybe I'm half possessed...............................?

Is there more colours than white - and black

Walking on water ain't that easy.
Specially if there's land on both sides.

Is there really more colours than black and white?

Music:

Many people believe that Christian modern music is harmful round here.
I don't.
I can't help but say that because of the amount of times that God has spoken
to me through such songs -even Christian heavy metal- yeah and for some of you that's ironic.
But with a lot of arguments backing both sides I have come to the realization that I may be wrong
-but you may be too.

As I am getting older I am realizing that a lot of things aren't just this - or that.
Not just black- or just white. There is a colour grey.
That only we humans see.-I could be wrong.

Things aren't that easy to work out. You can't just push somebody out of wearing a head scarf
-God may have told them to. Things that mayn't be sinful to you may be to some one else. (as it says in the New Testament)  How this comes to be -we don't know. But we don't need to...
Here is a challenge I lay before you- and me:
We are united in our belief of Jesus Christ- not in our beliefs.

If it weren't for the Holy Spirit we'd be in a muddle.
The important thing is to listen to the Holy Spirit before anyone else.
Oh this is hard to write my thoughts keep bouncing round -I'm guessing I'm not making much sense
but I'll post this anyway....

A little laugh

Before Mum, my ten year old sister- Petra and I were talking about legs and leg-length (I have one leg that is at least one cm longer than the other and causes a little trouble with my left knee). Anyway Petra was going round and checking her legs to see if her feet were the same size. Then she went around asking Mum and Dad if their feet were the same size and I said heaps of people have different sized feet, realizing that she had got legs and feet mixed up. I tried to explain to her that legs ran from ones hip to ones heel and a foot is the heel to the toes. So she said "oops I meant legs" then proceed to do half spilts and said I might have feet.

                                                           (Source: Christine Santos on pintrest)


Note: Petra (who is checking my grammar :D) wants to make sure that you know that she knows what a leg is and what a foot is.
I hope that made sense 

I am starting again

I am starting writing again. I haven't written for my story in nearly a month. My story is in a mess (more or less) and will need heavy re-writing. I don't know how to end it. And I may have to change my characters. -If you know anything about writing that is really hard. Honestly I don't really want to write another word but I want to continue discovering their story+ I'm pretty much at my "heroine's" lowest point I love her to much to leave her there in short. Prayer for inspiration p.l.e.a.s.e -also for how to weave God into this.
So after asking for so much I guess I must give you some idea of what you are praying for. Warning it (hopefully) will contain romance.

(don't have a title yet), a Summary:

Beatrice is from East-End London 1885. One night she is attacked, in a battle of self defense an important person is accidently killed, Beatrice flees to New Zealand, she is pursued by the dead man's hired killer, Martin.

Her life gets no better when tragedy after tragedy hits Beatrice begins to break down, suicide becoming her only hope. But it all seems as if something stronger is pulling, pulling her to Jesus.
But behind all of this her killer is still seeking, ready to work his revenge. 

Excerpt from (don't have a title yet):

Last updated on 11/27/2012

He began to undo her top buttons, clearing her neck. She knew then that he would kill her... Her fears were confirmed when he wrapped his fingers around her wind pipe, at first gently pushing as though to test her vulnerability, then he dug in his fingers, and she had the odd sensation that he'd done this before... And was certainly not afraid to do it again.

(haha that's pretty much the best scene -thought that is going to change)

Anyway thanks very much

-Tiffany

Was it about modesty after all?

Ha! I know that is some title! And I know a lot of you have very different opinions on it.
But I have been wondering was the cut of our clothing "the point"?

Low tops, collar-bone scrapers, mini shorts and long skirts. These things are all very different... here I want to refresh you on some of them:

                                                        (Source: Christina Pernes on pintrest)







                                                     (Source: Paula Bidle-Stear on Pintrest)
         


                                                    (Source Paula Bidle-Stear on Pintrest)




                                                    (Source: Paula Bidle-Stear on Pintrest)


Long skirt? you think High neck? Both of them look see through! 
Well yeah I tried to get ones that were "Fashionable" and not too "ugly" 
I mean honestly I could have pasted on a heap like this:


                                                           (Sharon Yarnell on Pintrest)
But it doesn't really matter. Fashion isn't the point. "Worldly-ness" or "Unworldly-ness isn't either. Well it has nothing to do with what I am talking about. 

I at the moment strongly believe that one should only wear clothes that suit one's body, here's a non-example:
                                          (Source: AainaA-Ridtz A R on pintrest)



But then I noticed what is flattering tends* to reek with sex appeal in books like Trinny and Susannah's "What not to wear" and after alot of looking and talking to Mum it really after all isn't about modesty- it isn't about protecting men, as the above picture is no security guard against lust (normally underneath their as modern as us). Men are men (remember they are human and emotional too; not wolves ready to eat a woman what ever books say) But if you take the men issue away and see why (I think) modesty was invented, to stop objectisim. (I think I just made up a word :D ) 

Take another look at all the pictures. All of them. They have three things in common: they are clothes, they are considered "feminine" and they all make women look like objects. And that is the problem. Women should never dress to be something to look at. You are a person. 

And I think a good way to avoid this is by dressing in a style that you like. That seems to reek what you love, that is a extension of you- not your body. Dress to show you are a woman, but make sure its lose enough to show you are a lady. Dress so you have a sense of self respect - don't give a toss for what anyone else thinks.    

Then you will be able to add the men part back in. And you will be absolutely fine. Sure you can't stop the occasional stares, but by now that is something well out of your hands - you dress in a style that is you and nothing else.

P.S what's this about thinking that you have to meet your Fathers approval? I believe that your Daddy in Heaven is inthralled with you when you dress like you. So be fearless. Be you. And don't ever worry about clothing again. 

                                                (Source Maelily Edmond (me) on Pintrest)





*not always but dresses shouldn't fit your shape like a too tight glove 

-Miss Tiffany
hmm maybe I should do something on makeup next and way this blog is here to air my thoughts :)

A spot of encouragement

This blog is really awesome and so encouraging!

life isn't always

Last night as the st official day of Jan I did some writing (surprise surprise)
well thats only cause I had to, as I've entered another one of those writing things.

So anyway after writing a really depressing scene I went on the Jannowrimo site to look and see if any  of the members on there might want to friend me (now that sounds really bad but having other writers as friends makes a world of a difference.

So I found this girl called Autumn then I looked on her writing blog just to get more of an idea of who she was. Then I got a shock. She's been dead for five years. Suicide. But to my horror my eyes kept reading. Here is just one of the pieces 

One of the things that really hurt me is that none of the posts have comments, like it was her pouring out her heart screaming for help. And oh how I wanted to help, but I came 5 years too late. I couldn't stop thinking about it,  I couldn't get to sleep knowing that there are other people out there like that. People who think that suicide is relief. People who don't believe in happiness. And that is so so so sad so terrible. And I am only just realizing how blessed I am -I haven't lost someone that I really love two great grandmothers don't really count as I barely knew them.


And as you can see in the poem she was very talented, but she never got to use her gift beyond her 16 years, she never knew the peace and hope that Daddy/God brings. That fact that she wasn't saved tears me to pieces and it is my dearest hope that she met God somehow and that she is finally in true real love but I know that cannot be.

What this taught me is that the beautiful looking world outside the window is really shaded really really shaded, deep with shadows and only tiny glimmers of light. We who know there is love, desperately need to show the people, the hearts the lives that are dying that are being destoried. It is not ok that a child should have to stay every night in a house where the keepers despise her.


Lord though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death. I'm not scared 'cause you're holding my breath, I only fear that I don't have enough time left to tell the world that there no time left...
-forgive me
Group 1 crew

To all the Ivvy's out there may you find the God of love the one and only, who cares greatly about you.
-Tiffany

So what are you doing?

I know I know Merry Christmas!

I deliberately didn't do a Xmas post as I am actually sick of them. I mean it's all good and well doing one or reading one but piles of them? Ugh! (you can tell I don't get very wound up about Christmas)

So I am doing another post which maybe more Chinese based.

What are you doing tonight?
What do you do on New Year's Eve? Sleep? Jump into a pool at 1/1/1/1/13 (first second, hour, day, month, year)  play cards 'til midnight?

I know lots of people who are doing that though sadly my family might be resigned to the first. Notice I put family ;-) We will be celebrating it but with having Parents who live for sleep at 10:30 we won't being doing anything to wild.

A random bit of information
There is no english song (carol type) for the New Year.
Except we wish you a merry christmas but that being mostly about Xmas it doesn't count.

Merry 2013!

(just to mix it up :)

-Tiffany

A little spark

Here is a little thing to ponder:

"Do I love you because you're beautiful. Or are you beautiful because I love you?"~Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein II, Cinderella

Just in case you'd like to know, the worlds gonna end tonight

Well that's if you care.

According to the Mayan Calendar tonight is the last night ever.
I don't know why people buy it this is what my friends and I think about it:

Part of an email from my dear friend Jasmin

 We are having our christmas party today because tomorrow (family have to go elsewhere)

We are also having our party just in time before the world ends.

In other words it's ridiculous. 

I don't even get why people believe this I mean so many people think that people in history were dumb and witless animals that didn't own essential things like microwave ovens (heehee most of my wide group of friends don't own these either -by choice!)

And yet they believe in the Mayan Calendar.

I'm just glad God's above all this nonsense and that He knows when the world will end and Him alone.

-Miss Tiffany

When the computer fails, call your writer friend

Well after my dearest friend wrote this post on her blog I knew I had to write something back (aren't both sides of a story best)

So on Wednesday I was chatting away on google to Esther about how terribly hard the next scene in my story would be to write. Well actually it was probably whining 'I can't do this, I've got writers block..." blah blah blah and she was saying "I think you should do this I know you can!" anyway I explained more of the situation and she started saying "well maybe you should just quit" and I'm like "I've written 17k+ I can't give up now"
So anyway she was so persuasive that I decided to turn off chat and start plotting (which for me is something short of a miracle as I've only done it 3 times before)
So I put on the head phones and listen to Does anybody see her? -Casting Crowns. I needed something depressing as I was planning the worst thing so far that has happened to my MC -main character-

After  30 minutes or so I something slaps me in the face.  My MC is attacked by the "Baddie" and I need to come up with a injury that seems fatal but she actually survives -without medical attention.

So I surf the internet looking to see if you can actually survive a neck fracture (which is very possible depending on where the break is Buuutttt big fat problem for me: it requires medical attention, just what I need)  So I try something else: Maybe her attacker has a knife? So I google the possibilities of surviving being stabbed by a knife and end up in this forum debating whether being shot or stabbed in the stomach is more lethal. Apparently it is pretty even, though  depending on the gun it is "supposedly" meant to be slightly less prone to infection as when the bullet enters the body it is in one area and the flesh bounces back (more or less) to it former position as opposed to a knife which wrecks havoc. Anyway by now quite a lot of time had past and I was getting no where so I turned chat back on to see if Esther had any wild ideas and this is what I saw:


{4:20 PM}  Esther: You still on? I need to ask a question.
*impatiently* In a BAD WAY!!!{4:21 PM} Hmmm....you’re not responding.
You must be gone. {4:32 PM} Esther: Okay, you probably won’t get this until tomorrow, but anyway—my problem is this:
I know what the history is, and how it’s going to work, but I don’t have a ‘problem’ for my MC [main character—writer’s lingo]. You know how it’s good to have a plot-inside-a-plot? That’s what I’m talking about. I don’t have anything “small” for her to resolve while I tell the real story along side. Nothing for her to fix. I’m stuck. HELP!!!! I’ve prayed about it, but nothing has come…yet. In a moment I’m going to go to a secret hidey-hole with my Bible and try to think…{4:33 PM} your prayers would be very much appreciated (and I’m praying for you, too)


So then I type:

{4:46 PM} hello?
hellooooooooo?{4:47 PM} I have a please please please please answer question, I will like have to ring you if you don’t answer.... I think I might do that anyway....  


Well anyway Esther and I rarely talk on the phone being writers and all that we stick to typing, but by now I'm quite desperate so I pick up the phone and promptly think its Esther answering when it's her Mum.
Anyway to cut it short (well hee-hee not really) we spent 1, 1/2 hours and 4 seconds talking about each of our stories. Oh ok we did spent the last half hour talking about books but that's writing related isn't it?
So after that I ended up with one strange new idea and a lot more clarity of where the story was (more or less) going.
Isn't it awesome that having a writer friend that lives not so far away? And because of what she writes (I assure you our writing is as different as chalk and cheese even though we are both writing Historical Fiction at the moment) she sees my story in a different light and can point out the breaks?
Isn't God great? I mean she and I come from different corners of the globe, in other words  I'm rather thrilled that God sent me a writer friend all the way from America who's lovely-ness doesn't stop at being able to write . She is such a source of encouragement and advice and I'm sure there'll be more phone calls later. As I still haven't figured out what kind of injury I'm gonna give to Beatrice :D

                                                          Thanks Esther!!

 ~Love Miss Tiffany      
  

Changes here, changes there, changes everywhere!

Lets hope they're all for the better! :)
Anyway I am in the middle of changing this blog- so it may look very weird every now and again. Due to my lack  of computer skills this could take a week and a bit. :/
-Miss Tiffany